Sincerely, The Other Woman
by loOkMA-iTyPeLiKeDiS
Summary: "You see, I'm writing this letter, not as an apology for sleeping with the man you've given your life to, not as an apology for being an accomplice in aiding him break his vows to you, and not as an apology for trying to take him away from you. I'm apologising for falling in love with Kai."
1. Prologue

_To the wife of Malachai Parker,_

 _You don't know me._

 _You've never met me and you probably never will. But while you were away on your business trip, I was your daughter's nanny. While you dealt with work in another country all summer, I spent nights with your husband, ensconced in his arms, letting him mark me wherever he chose. I woke up entangled in his limbs, breathing in his scent as his fingers traced patterns along my skin. I undressed for him, spread my legs for him, let him take me on your bed.  
_

 _I had an affair with your husband._

 _I wish I could say it was my ignorance and that I was duped into believing he was a single man, but the fact of the matter is, I knew. I knew from the start that Kai Parker was married to you, that your marriage was fairly stable, that you would always come first in his life, being the mother of his child and all. And yet, I still interjected myself between you both in hopes that I could potentially steer him away from you._

 _When I first came to Portland, it was never my intention to get embroiled in this whirlwind affair with a married man. I just wanted to have a peaceful summer vacation with my grandmother. It started out as just an itch I needed to scratch. An urge to try something new, to break the monotony of my life, to feel **something** for once. I regretted it immediately the first time._

 _And I wish I could say it happened once and that was it, but it didn't stop there. We didn't want it to stop there. And then came the point where I knew there was no turning back. I was consumed by it. By **him.** Before I knew it, I knew that I fell for him. I knew I wanted more from him. And above all, I knew that I needed him. _

_Despite everything I've done wrong and all the pain I've suffered from our trysts; despite all the sneaking around and the disappointment I have for myself and from my family; despite it all, I wouldn't change a thing that happened. I don't regret it one bit._

 _You see, I'm writing this letter, not as an apology for sleeping with the man you've given your life to, not as an apology for being an accomplice in aiding him to break his vows to you, and not as an apology for trying to take him away from you._

 _I'm apologising for falling in love with Kai._

 _It's crazy. It's stupid, and I know I should have known better when we first kissed him that this could only lead to heartbreak and pain and struggle, but I didn't know how to stop. I didn't want to stop. But it has happened, and I can't take it back, and I can't stop._

 _All I can do is say I'm sorry._

 _Sincerely,_

 _The Other Woman_


	2. Chapter 1

if cheating stories offend you, don't read this one because it is about deliberate infidelity

disclaimer: i don't own tvd or characters; plot is my own.

/

 _To the wife of Malachai Parker,_

 _If you were to ask me when the affair started, I could easily respond with the fourth week of June, about a week into my new job as your daughter's nanny. That had been the first time Kai and I kissed, under the awning of your front porch before I left for the evening._

 _But **that** would be a bit of lie._

 _Our physical relationship began then. But the start of our "relationship" really began the week before at the gala for lawyers I went to with Liv. That was when we first noticed each other. And that's probably when the seeds of our affair were planted._

 _I'm being candid with you about the affair, not to gain your sympathy or forgiveness, but because I feel you need to know everything that happened and the context for why._

 _I didn't particularly grow up in a broken home, but my mom ditched us when I was ten, and my dad was too busy working to provide for me that he never gave me the time of day._ _Of course, there was also my Grams who practically raised me, but she moved to Portland a little over ten years ago when I started to take care of myself so she could live in her family home from when she was a child._

 _Because of that, I've never really had a particularly positive or negative view of marriage. It's been more blasé to me than anything, but you have to understand it's that blasé attitude towards marriage that shaped the reason why I didn't take Kai's marriage to you as seriously as I should have. But my mindset about marriage eventually changed. Being with Kai, having sex with him for the time I did, spending time with him, the dates we went on, I came to realise that I wanted it. The whole package and then some. Kai made me want marriage. With him. And then I realised I wanted to take him from you and I couldn't believe where my thoughts were taking me._

 _The irony in all this is that I'd always found it despicable that my best friend Caroline was in some sort of relationship with a married man all throughout college. He was basically her sugar daddy and paid for everything she needed. Caroline didn't mind since 1) he was hot, 2) free money in exchange for sex, and she liked sex. A lot. And 3) it kept her mind off of the fact that her on again, off again boyfriend had up and packed his bags and travelled to go find his first love Elena, who had decided to leave for another country, thus effectively ending their relationship. The whole married thing was a minor inconvenience to Caroline, but I found it horrendous. Not just because she was readily having sex with a man who had made a commitment and a vow to stick with his wife through thick and thin and was breeching the trust they should have had as a married couple, but also because the man in question was a little more than twice her age and definitely old enough to be her dad._

 _"With age comes experience, and let me tell you. He has a lot." Was something I heard pretty often along with other details about his particular endowment that I really didn't want to know._

 _Now looking back, I can't believe how similar our situations ended up being._

 _My affair with your husband wasn't immediate like Caroline's though. I didn't meet Kai on my first day once I'd moved in with my Grams. I'd been in Portland for the better part of June already, and working as a pub waitress at Liv's bar. You probably know the place; a little rustic and dingy. Kai's typical thinking spot or where he likes to unwind after a taxing day in the office._

 _Anyway, I had this dream to be in law—a defence attorney and all—but as graduation loomed around the corner, I started to think maybe I was going about my future the wrong way. I think I had some sort of existential crisis post undergrad. I felt smothered and needed a change of pace, so Grams invited me to stay with her over the summer so I could figure some things out away from Mystic Falls and my boyfriend. Gram is amazing, but she's a tough love type of woman and told me I could only stay at her home provided I handled all my own expenses. She helped convince Liv to hire me for summer work since the girl apparently owed her a favour, and that's how I got my job. Being a waitress wasn't as difficult as I expected it to be, and I picked things up fast. Perks of being a cheerleader with great hand eye coordination for several years, I guess. Liv even started to let me help out with small and easy drinks at the bar._

 _But I still felt unsettled in Portland, even after being there for more than a week. I still couldn't find my groove, and even though Liv kept inviting me out with friends and to different events in the city, I was still kind of lost. But that changed when Liv invited me to go to some retirement party for some hot shot lawyer._

 _"So let me get this straight…" I had stared at Liv like she had two heads on her body. She'd mostly been inviting me to events that young adults would go to, so this invite was a curveball. "We're supposed to work the bar for this event, and you want me to come with you?"_

 _"I'm allowed to bring a date before I start my shift. You're my plus one." She had replied like going to a lawyer's event was a normal every day thing for her. I later found out it turned out her brother helped her get these gigs so she could make extra money to open up her own bar one day._

 _Her indifference to my confusion was irritating. "Why do you need me as your date?"_

 _"I thought about what would be the best way to make some of these corporate suits super uncomfortable." The shark like grin on her face made me realise above all, Liv was a trouble maker. And trouble, she would definitely make._

 _"So… you're inviting me for attention."_

 _She shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, that, and you have no life and need to get out more. So I took it upon myself to take you out. Find you some hot lawyer to have hot, scream like a porn star sex with."_

 _"At a party full of stuffed shirts?" I raised a brow. "Besides, I have a boyfriend."_

 _"Dress to impress." She ignored me with a wink. "Go braless. Show some cleavage. I'm sure these men aren't getting any these days, so you'll be the best thing that's happened to them in a while. I give you permission to fuel their wet dreams."_

 _I went to that party with Liv dressed in some midnight blue gown Grams loaned me, but not because I was trying to hook up with some lawyer. I figured it was a once in a lifetime opportunity I probably would never get again—plus with food I would never be able to afford even with twenty paychecks. I could just take a couple pictures, maybe a little schmoozing and rubbing elbows with the wealthy to bask in the false appearance of wealth. Also, I figured maybe being around lawyers could help me figure out why I'd wanted to be in law in the first place._

 _And let me tell you, the party was amazing._

 _The glitter and gold. The richesse and carefree atmosphere of people with money. The fancy food and clothes. Even though Liv and I mocked the stuck up women with their thousand dollar gowns and even though we made fun of the people whose faces made them look constipated, the fact of the matter was, we marvelled at the beauty of it all. We were enraptured by this world that we would never be able to fully infiltrate, being broke grad students and all, yet I allowed myself this one moment to pretend like I belonged here. Like I wasn't some poor girl trying to figure out her life and a passion for something._

 _I'm sure you probably have no idea what I'm talking about though. From what I've heard about you, you've always had it pretty easy in life. The pampered youngest daughter of an acclaimed heart surgeon, education at the best private academy money could buy, Ivy league schools, a perfect husband, a drive for business and a plan and passion for your future career. I guess I did resent you for that, the whole having everything and then some deal in life, but sleeping with Kai wasn't me trying to be vindictive or get back at you for leading a relatively carefree life. I'd long since gotten used to getting the short end of the stick in life, so my brief jealous stint was just that: brief. What I'm trying to say is that you weren't a factor at all when your husband and I started our affair._

 _You probably don't care, but I did end up finding a passion after wandering around all summer trying to figure out my future plans. It was Kai that helped me figure out teaching as my passion, but I'm getting ahead of myself and that's neither here nor there._

 _Being at the party was both a dream come true and completely nervewracking, but once Liv went off to do her shift, I felt even more out of my element than I ever had before. I felt like the fact that I clearly didn't belong was painted on my forehead and it made me feel self-conscious. And maybe I was being paranoid, but I kept feeling like I was being watched somehow. So I went to grab a drink in hopes that maybe I could loosen up a bit enough to relax._

 _And that's when I saw him._

 _It was a fleeting glance as I looked around the room at the chatting people. But my eyes met a dreamy blue across the crowd of people, and I couldn't look away._

 _Your husband's eyes have a way of pulling people in, making them lose their train of thought and when he holds your gaze—as I'm sure you already know—the world around tends to stop existing. As cliché as it sounds, that's how I felt at that moment. It was only me and him. No bustling people, gossiping and laughing around us. No waiters serving fancy hor d'oeuvres. No soft jazz playing in the background. No Liv barking behind me to move my ass away from the bar._

 _Just me and him and the sudden heat that was slowly pooling between my legs. I didn't know who he was, and I couldn't get a perfect glimpse of his face from our distance, but it felt like we stared at each other for hours. He had a slow, lazy smile pulling up the corner of his mouth and I could hear my heartbeat in my ear._

 _Do you ever get that feeling that some moments that you have in your life are important and will definitely have a profound effect on your future? There are moments that we have in life sometimes that are so momentous that we can automatically tell they will have a large impact on our lives._

 _This was one of those moments. I knew something had changed. I wasn't sure what exactly, but I knew that from that moment on, something would be different._

 _I was unnerved. Not just because of the electric blue of his gaze, but also because of the intensity of the gaze I could feel. It made my cheeks flush. The moment lasted a few seconds, but it felt like an hour had passed when he finally turned back to his conversation companion. And then I ran into a waiter and almost spilled champagne on someone's expensive dress and decided to call it a night before I actually ruined something. After that moment, I felt off and somehow, exposed, so I left to head back home and ignored the feeling that someone was watching me leave, their gaze hot on my back._

 _I didn't dare turn back, but I knew if I had, I would have met **his** gaze again. And it scared me._

 _I wouldn't see him again for another week, but after the party, my mind was stuck on him. My dreams were of him: the tall, gorgeous guy with striking blue eyes and the suit that fit him like a glove. That sexy smirk almost taunting me, beckoning me over. My hands trailing down his jaw, on his stubble, his hands drifting down my sides. Pressing me into my mattress. Lips kissing a path down my neck. The types of dreams that would make my grandma blush to hear about._

 _All my thoughts were on the mysterious guy who'd managed to make me feel in a way I've never felt before with just one glance from across a room. I felt guilty dreaming about him the way I had. Although my boyfriend and I were on some sort of unspecified break, dreaming about another guy didn't seem okay. It wasn't like I could control my dreams, but it seemed fairly inappropriate and I struggled to figure out whether or not to tell him about the guy I was dreaming of. In the end, I decided not to, but I wonder how different things might have gone if Jeremy knew about the attraction I'd had to Kai from the start. Maybe he'd have come to Portland sooner._

 _But in worrying about my side of things, it never occurred to me or even crossed my mind that the hot guy I'd seen could be married or taken—most of the men there were. I should have figured he'd already be snatched up considering how attractive he is, but truth was I couldn't tell at all. He gave off this vibe of being unattached, and quite frankly, on the prowl. Like a predator who'd found his prey: me._

 _It was a moment I'll never forget. And much later, he would tell me he hadn't been able to forget it either. That he hadn't been able to take his eyes off the woman who fumbled through introductions with high class individuals, whose hands couldn't quite match the pretentious way the others held glasses, who kept fidgeting and flushing. I stuck out like a sore, out of place thumb, but he was apparently stuck on me._

 _That was the first time I was somewhat "acquainted" with your husband and the first time we had an affect on each other, although it wasn't the first time we actually met. That's a story for another day. But the point is he refused to leave my mind until Grams reminded me that I needed to figure out what to do after summer vacation ended._

 _I came back to reality—crashed more like it—when I realised I needed better work to sustain the future costs of law school, if I ever went. I needed work that paid a lot more, and that's why Liv got me the nannying job when she heard about my plight._

 _You see, your husband was working a pretty intense case that required most of his time, and he needed a full time nanny to watch your little Dani. I didn't have too much experience babysitting, but my credentials were top notch and Liv vouched for me to her brother and since your husband was in a_ _rush to get someone as soon as possible, he accepted. A careless decision considering the type of people Liv usually hangs out around, but he trusted her judgement. I got the job without an interview, and that was the catalyst to the turning point in my life._

 _And the catalyst to the start of the affair that would take over my life._

 _Sincerely,_

 _The Other Woman_


	3. Chapter 2

_/_

 _To the wife of Malachai Parker,_

 _When my best friend Elena and I had just become friends as children, we used to play make believe to imagine what kind of epic loves we would end up having in the future._

 _She'd always been attracted to tall, dark, handsome, and stoic types. Me? I was crushing on our best friend Matt, and then Tyler, and then that new Korean boy in our class, and then some other guy and so on and so forth. The point is, Elena knew what she wanted by high school, so when she met Stefan, it was instant clicking. Of course, their relationship went through ups and downs, and she had an unfortunate attraction to his brother Damon and then Stefan had that on and off thing with Caroline that ultimately ruined Stelena's relationship, but they found each other again. Like it was meant to be._

 _I've never had a type. I've kind of drifted from guy to guy, trying and failing to find that one thing about our relationship that would make me want to be with him forever. Nobody I dated was a perfect fit for me. Until Kai. Until I realised he was everything I wanted I didn't know I needed in my life. And that was ultimately why I couldn't stop the affair. I thought I wouldn't find anyone else more perfect for me than Kai Parker._

 _I know it might seem to you that I went through that affair with no qualms or problems or issues and that I walked out unscathed, that I was fine throughout the whole ordeal because I had no other attachments, but that's not true._

 _I had a boyfriend at the time. Jeremy Gilbert, Elena's brother._

 _We'd been on a "break" ever since things between us got weird when I decided to go to Portland. I mean, I didn't know if we were necessarily on break since he refused to answer any of my phone calls or texts, but I assumed that's what the silence on his part meant. I wish I could have been mad at him for ignoring me—maybe if I felt more incensed by his silence, I would have had more reservations in the affair—but the truth was, I wasn't that bothered. I didn't blame him for his weird behaviour. He'd been feeling odd about separation, and I think a lot of it had to do with his sister deciding to rediscover her life away from Mystic Falls by going to med school in UK. And then I chose to leave too, and it put a serious damper on our relationship._

 _Regardless, it wasn't like I would give up my ambitions to find myself just because he was against us separating. Like Elena, I felt like I'd been held back by my decision to remain in Mystic Falls._

 _The affair effectively ended my relationship with Jeremy for good when he found out about it, and he told his sister, and Elena and my friendship ended up ruined too. I lost two important people to me because of that affair. So yes, I've paid my dues in some way. You would probably argue I deserve more pain for what I did to your marriage behind closed doors, but I lost my childhood best friend and that was the worst part._

 _She asked me if the affair had been worth it. I still don't know the answer to that. But what I do know is that if I could back in time and do things over again, I still wouldn't change what happened with me and Kai. Because every part of the affair had meant something to me: my initial something like a friendship with him, our slow delving into a physical relationship, and then my subsequent falling for him. He treated me like a queen from day one and he didn't have to, and it affected me. I'd never had anyone really devote themselves to me—to my happiness—like that, and I think that was a big reason why I got so fixed on Kai, even on the first day._

 _On my first day on the job as a nanny, I was supposed to go to your house and take care of Daniela with him there. He wanted to see some of my methods, make sure I knew how to take care of his kid and also so he could determine whether Dani was comfortable with me. Which, can I just say, your daughter is wonderful. Beautiful. Adorable. I can see why she's the apple of Kai's eyes. My biggest regret is that I almost flipped her family life upside down and wrecked it with my actions and if I ever get the chance to see her again, I would very much like to apologise for that. But Kai made me feel like a part of the family from moment one. As presumptuous as it sounds, I was comfortable in your home, almost to the point that it later began to feel like coming home to my family._

 _The funniest part is that Caroline kept making jokes to watch out because he could be one of those dads who might try to hook up with the nanny. I'd definitely heard stories from some other friends who'd babysat in college about dads who kind of breached the boundaries of remaining professional, but I didn't think your husband would be one of them. I honestly didn't expect Liv's brother of all people to be attracted to me. Not only is he related to Liv, but the way she described him (food-a-holic, dorky, idiot, potentially slightly insane) made me envision this goofy caricature of a potential man-child. I should have realised Liv's description wouldn't exactly be objective. But it was because of that image I had of Kai that I was totally and completely caught off guard when I actually met him._

 _The minute I met him, I knew Malachai Parker would be trouble._

 _Not just because I realised he was hot lawyer dude I'd seen at the event, but also because he oozed sex appeal in everything he did. I thought his eyes had been blue at the gala, but standing in front of him, I could see they were grey and honestly, I couldn't tear my gaze away._

 _It might be presumptuous of me to believe so, but we connected that first day—not on a physical, intimate level; at least not then—but there was a spark. As ridiculous as it probably sounds to you since he's your husband, it's true. The only way I can describe our first meeting is like fire. Something electric between us to the point that I felt chills run down my back in a way I'd never felt when any man has ever looked at me. Even sex with Jeremy never made me feel as intense a coiling in between my legs as when I was standing in Kai's presence._

 _Intense._

 _I think that's the best word to use, and it only got worse when we spoke._

 _"Bonnie Bennett, I presume?" he had asked with that low, playful lilt to his voice that I later came to recognise as his "I-want-to-fuck-you" tone. The very tone that made it hard to draw myself out of his orbit when he wanted to seduce me. "I'm Kai Parker."_

 _I didn't know if he recognised me from the gala or whether he'd pinpointed me as the person who'd almost spilled champagne all over herself and other people, but he gave no indication of it at the time. He was friendly, but the kind of friendly that makes one wonder if there are ulterior motives behind it. And the way Kai was looking at me, I kind of did think his thoughts were drifting in a less than innocent direction. It was confusing; I didn't believe it was happening because he was a **married** man, but his expression reminded me of those guys at bars who were looking for their next quick fuck._

 _You might not believe me, but you must understand what I'm talking about to some extent. There's something about Kai that makes you question if he really is the kind of guy who should ever have gotten married in the first place. I'm sure you've noticed it: the way he seems to live his life sometimes as if burdened by his commitments. I don't know what your relationship was like when you first met and what struggles you had, but if the stories I've heard from Liv are anything to go by, you must have had your work cut out for you reigning in a wild man like Kai and managing to tie him down for marriage in the first place._

 _I had a feeling when I stood in his presence that not setting proper boundaries from the start could lead to something problematic. So I tried to keep it professional, but Kai made that nearly impossible. I took care of Dani, played with her, read to her, watched TV with her all while ignoring Kai when he dropped in every once in a while to see how things were going. But he has a presence, and I could always feel when he was watching by the doorway, and I could always feel when his gaze was on me. There's no other way to describe it but as some sort of intuition, but I knew—and felt—when I had his attention, and honestly, I kind of relished it. It made me feel special._

 _Dani and I got along well, and I secured my job and after I gave her a bath and read her her favourite story and got her to bed for the evening, Kai made me a late night dinner as thanks. He made me spaghetti Bolognese, and let me tell you, the sight of Malachai Fucking Parker cooking dinner in his work attire, tie loosened up, top few buttons undone, sleeves rolled up was beyond sexy. He knows he's attractive and he probably knew I was staring and he was definitely showing off. I can't say for certain, but it felt like his brand of flirting, and as much as I wanted to pretend to be unaffected, I was definitely a little impressed, and definitely a lot turned on._

 _I hadn't eaten anything and I was planning to go to a burger joint, but Kai made me something to eat and then sat with me to keep me company even though he had a ton of work to finish. Your husband is an amazing cook. Incredible. The first orgasm he ever gave me was actually a food-gasm that night because I'd never had anything homecooked that amazing. We spent the time just talking. He asked about my goals for my career, Mystic Falls, the logistics of what he expected of me as his nanny. I asked him about what it was like being a lawyer, spots in the city he recommended. Just general conversations that never seemed to run out. I won't bore you with the details of our conversation but by the end of dinner, it was well past the time I should have headed home. Somehow we'd managed to talk for hours, just sitting there sipping wine. Conversation between us was easy and flowed and I was comfortable talking to him. And even though we were both taken individuals, it felt like a first date to me which was why when I realised it was time for me to go home, I felt like the night had only just begun for us._

 _"That's your third glass of wine. You sure you don't need a ride home?" he'd asked with his trademark ghost of a smirk on his lips._

 _I felt a little warm, but it wasn't like I was tipsy. "Grams doesn't live too far from here. Besides, it's just wine."_

 _He chuckled, finding it amusing. "You are pretty short though."_

 _"Being short doesn't make me an automatic lightweight, Kai," I'd responded sarcastically._

 _"Even so, you are welcome to sleep here if you'd like."_

 _It was a genuine statement, but it had been coupled with that hard to decipher look I'd seen earlier that evening, and its effect was instantaneous. There was a good ambiance around the room, fire crackling in the background, lights dimmed, crickets chirping outside, just me and him, dinner for two drinking wine. Maybe the wine had something to do with my reaction, but for some reason, I assessed his comment as "you're welcome to sleep **with me** here", and naturally, a single thought entered my mind that involved him slowly stripping off my clothes, his hands caressing my naked skin like silk. The shock of how quickly my mind turned to sex between us made me choke on my own spit and cough for forever to try to clear my throat. And then I tipped my glass and spilled the small bit of wine left in the glass on my shirt. It was so embarrassing although Kai really seemed to get a kick out of it._

 _"I guess spilling wine is your thing? Seems like your thing," he had said in between his laughter._

 _My cheeks felt like they were on fire. I wasn't trying to impress him particularly, but I'm not normally clumsy, so this was really embarrassing. "It's your fault."_

 _His gaze turned obscene. "That so? Enlighten me."_

 _His tone was low and even, but the comment felt loaded, filthy, like it was some kind of innuendo or some sort of dark, sensual promise. Kai has a way of looking at people—or maybe just me; I don't know—that makes them feel like he's undressing them with his eyes. That was the look he was giving me, and I couldn't for the life of me look away because what I saw in his eyes was **desire**. The kind of desire that I knew I had in my own. If it wasn't for your daughter coming to the dining room to ask me to tuck her in again, I probably wouldn't have been able to break free of the hold he had on me. I was under his spell and he knew it and if he'd come on to me right then and there in that moment, I honestly probably would have given him what he wanted. _

_He gave me an old band t-shirt to wear while mine washed. Even though I didn't mind staying to wait for my shirt to finish washing and drying, he encouraged me to get home while I was still wide awake before it got too late out. And then he told me he'd hold on to my shirt as insurance so that I would definitely come back. I didn't read too much into it at first, but had I paid more attention, I would have noticed he was just as gone as I was._

 _I had to take care of myself that night because his scent from his t-shirt clung to my skin, surrounding me, wrapping around me like a blanket. I had to imagine tousled brown hair in between my legs, a deep drawl murmuring sweet nothings onto my inner thigh. It was too vivid, and almost too much, and it took me three times and a cold shower to cool my overheated body down before I finally released all that pent up tension. And that was just from Kai looking at and talking to me for one evening. I had it bad from the start, and I didn't even know._

 _I was wondering if I was the only one who'd been seriously thrown off by how strong our attraction to each other was. Or maybe if I had exaggerated all these things and was losing my sanity from the intense meeting with this guy. But that was when I realised Kai had known all along that I was the woman at the lawyer's event who almost spilled champagne otherwise he wouldn't have made that comment. Just as he'd been on my mind, I'd been on his mind enough for him to instantly recognise me one week later as the woman at the party after one small bout of eye contact across a room full of people._

 _That's not a coincidence; that's fate._

 _Under normal circumstances, a nanny or babysitter is advised to take themselves out of the equation if their integrity is being threatened by the situation. And I should have taken myself out. But I wanted to see him again. My relative ease and comfort with him upon our first meeting wasn't normal since I tend to have measured trust in people from the start. I wanted to see if that feeling was a result of the crush I had or if I would always feel that way around him. I felt that I was meant to meet him. That we were connected by some string of fate._

 _That we could possibly be soulmates._

 _Sincerely,_

 _The Other Woman_


	4. Chapter 3

_/_

 _To the wife of Malachai Parker,_

 _That first full week I worked as a nanny was probably the most innocent week I spent in the presence of your husband. But it was also the most difficult. I teetered on the edge of my sexual attraction to him and my desire to remain a good employee who wouldn't end up doing something I would regret._

 _It actually took me that whole week to get comfortable with Kai, but that was because I couldn't shake the way his gaze made me feel like I was exposed. He never did anything to make me uncomfortable though. In fact, he was always relatively friendly, except when he tried to annoy me on purpose to get a rise out of me._

 _Though in the end, I have to say I want to thank him for helping me find the me that I'd tried to hide for so many years._

 _You see, Kai had a pretty nasty habit of bringing out a side of me that I'd long kept buried down. In Mystic Falls, I was the quiet one, the one who didn't act outlandishly or get into all this drama. I'd gotten used to a passive existence, kind of letting people walk all over me and act in ridiculous ways around me, but Kai pushed my buttons. He badgered me, got on my nerves, and basically forced out of me the voice I'd lost. It got to the point that I got on his nerves too, and we argued so much that I discovered a new side to my personality that I felt I'd long ago buried for no reason._

 _We **bickered** that first week I worked. We bickered so much and I don't even know why, although in retrospect, I realise it was probably the repressed sexual tension between us. He thought I was being too passive when Dani misbehaved, or I thought he was too clingy to his daughter and needed to chill. We even bickered about stupid things like best seats on a plane or best brands of shampoo and other irrelevant things. But it was exactly those fights that were the reason we became friends. I found myself unconsciously opening up to him the more comfortable I felt around him. It was a level of comfort that one only really finds with someone who they have perfect chemistry with._

 _I don't know how else to explain it except that feeling when you're in a relationship with someone you're in perfect sync with. I won't say I knew that Kai and I were definitely compatible from that first week—I only had a small inkling of it at that time—but I can confirm that after we began sleeping together, I couldn't deny that my feelings that he was the perfect companion got stronger._

 _Very few guys who I've hung out with have ever made me feel that level of comfort. I'm comfortable with Elena's boyfriend Stefan, my boyfriend Jeremy, my friend Matt, and when he stopped being such a douche, Stefan's brother Damon. But none of them, not even Jeremy, made me feel the sort of absolute comfort I felt with Kai. And considering I hadn't known him for any longer than a week, I knew it was the real deal._

 _But the more we talked, the more charged things became, the more our looks lingered, the more it felt like we were getting closer and closer to a raging fire we wouldn't be able to back away from. By the end of my first week, we were eating dinner together every night, spending long evenings together and sometimes watching movies and talking until the late hours of the morning. I wouldn't let myself think of it as dating—at least not immediately—until he invited me to go on a picnic with him and Dani. I wasn't hired to work weekends, but he said he wanted me to spend some more time with Dani so I accepted._

 _There's a part of me that knew deep down that this invitation was him asking me out for real, but I refused to accept it. I was in denial. I wanted to go, even though I knew it wasn't a good idea._

 _And I was right, because everything changed on that picnic._

 _When I got to your house, he told me that Dani went to a playdate with a friend from her preschool. But he still wanted to go anyway— **with** me—and I agreed to go. I don't know what I was hoping would happen, but there was a part of me that knew what it would lead to._

 _We went trekking through some foliage and a tiny forest somewhere a little north of Portland and ended up at this beautiful field of dandelions. The sky was clear blue and the air smelled so fresh, it was like a scene from a movie. There was a small, clean lake nearby that he promised to take me back to one day to teach me how to fish. He set up the picnic in an area beside the lake, and we just talked about life and our families._

 _"How'd you discover this place?"_

 _"I wanted to find somewhere to spend quality time with my daughter. I never really got that chance with my dad."_

 _And I think that was the moment when I realised I'd developed a real crush on the man. Not just because he was attractive. Not just because his cooking was 4 star chef level. Behind the smirking and the sex eyes was a man who wanted to give everything to his daughter because he'd had a difficult childhood. And I could relate. I didn't have the greatest childhood either. I saw a kindred spirit in Kai, and I wanted to be there for him. Not just as a support, but someone who'd lived through an unpleasant childhood and still somehow turned out okay as a functioning adult._

 _I'd heard stories from Liv about how tumultuous the relationships in the Parker family had been in the past. Learning what I did about Joshua Parker and the divisive and derisive tactics he used to raise his kids, it was pretty heartwarming to see he'd had a change of heart by the time Dani was born. Kai still didn't fully trust him or like him, but he'd forgiven him and with a bit of persuasion from me, later, he'd finally decided to let your daughter spend quality time with her grandfather. Personally, I was touched by how much Joshua is trying to make amends to all his children and reunite the family. But that's a bit of a story for another day._

 _By the time we were nearing the end of the picnic, the sky had darkened considerably. We were there for hours, and I didn't want to leave, but I'd told Grams that I wouldn't be home so late so I could help her reorganise her bookshelves._

 _"It's getting late," I'd said, though I was reluctant to end the evening when I'd been having such a good time. "I should be heading home now."_

 _"Okay, but one more thing. I want you to be honest and try this."_

 _He'd used rose water in his homemade cheesecake and wanted me to have a little bit to see if it was a recipe he could stick with since rose water tends to be overpowering. He fed it to me from the fork, and honestly, I should have taken the fork to eat it myself, but I let him feed me. I understand what it must have looked like to see me sucking off the fork and then licking my lips, but I wasn't really paying attention to that. I wasn't really paying attention to much of anything, so I definitely didn't notice when his gaze turned smouldering and intense._

 _The cheesecake was amazing, though I didn't doubt his incredible ability to make some of the tastiest food I have ever had. But I'd been careless and ended up with some crumbs on my lips._

 _"You've got a little something…" he'd said._

 _His eyes were focused solely on my lips as he leaned in and brushed away the crumbs. But he didn't move. His thumb gently traced my lip. And that was when I realised how close we were. Breath nearly mingling from the proximity. I could see the flecks of gold in his eyes. We were too close. So close that all I could think about was kissing him. And he must have been thinking the same thing too, because he moved in closer. And closer. And closer._

 _"Kai…"_

 _I don't know why I'd said his name. I don't know whether I was warning him to stop or encouraging him to keep going._

 _He did stop._

 _But only because it started raining in the next second. An unpredicted downpour that drenched us immediately. We stuffed everything in the picnic basket as quickly as we could and hurried back to his car._

 _The ride was tense and charged, and I couldn't look at him and all I could think about was how the rain had definitely stopped something monumental from happening. It felt like we had almost approached some point of no return, and I wasn't sure whether I wanted that to happen or not. While I was definitely attracted to your husband, I still respected boundaries at that point._

 _When we got back to the house, I wanted to get home immediately. I had a plan to grab my stuff from the house and drive straight home. I needed to be out of his presence to think straight and to figure out what my next steps should be. And I almost did leave. After Kai unlocked the house, I was in, had grabbed my stuff, and was ready to leave._

 _Until he stopped me on the porch by taking my wrist._

 _"Kai… I have to go."_

 _My heart was racing wildly in my chest. I almost couldn't breathe. I wanted to tell him I couldn't be the nanny anymore. I knew that was the moment I should have set official boundaries and ended whatever weird thing had developed between us. But I wasn't that strong. And with his next words, I lost any and all resolve I'd had to get away from the situation._

 _"I know you feel it too, Bonnie."_

 _I couldn't respond. The way he'd said my name had sealed the deal._

 _When he pulled me close, I didn't fight him. I let him kiss me, and it was everything I had ever dreamed of and more. I was drowning in his arms; I couldn't resist him even if I tried._

 _I'm sure you remember your first kiss. The butterflies dancing in your stomach, your giddiness, how light on your feet you felt. The softness of the person's lips, the warmth from their body heat, the rapid fluttering of your heart in your chest. How magical it was, the way your lips and body tingled for days after._

 _That's how unforgettable the moment was for me. I had all those feelings and more to the point I felt like I was in junior high again the day Matt accidentally gave me my first kiss, and I realised I liked him. It was a lot for me to handle, and I couldn't process my thoughts the right way._

 _I kissed him back._

 _I don't know how long we stood under the awning of the porch, clutching each other, hands sliding over each other's skin under our clothes, but when we pulled away, I was breathless. My knees were weak and I had to cling to him for balance. I will never forget the way his gaze was heated with desire. The way his hands felt on my waist. The way his body felt pressed up against mine._

 _And then I remember he was **married**. I remembered that I had a boyfriend, no matter what our status. _

_I ran and left for home immediately without another word. I ignored him calling me to come back. I didn't know how to process what had happened. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know how to react. When I got home, I had to lie to my grandmother that I was taking a nap for a stomach-ache because I was shaken up and trembling. I couldn't stop touching my lips._

 _A married man had kissed me. It was wrong._

 _But I'd liked it._

 _I wanted more._

 _Sincerely,_

 _The Other Woman_


End file.
